Tomorrow I am scheduled for my Bariatric Surgery. So today is my last day of my old life. I have managed, since meeting with my surgeon at the end of January, and mostly in the last three weeks of doing the Optifast diet, to lose 20 lbs. I am 1.5 away from 300 lbs. Yes I was at least 321 lbs. I'm not sure but I think that was my highest weight ever...but who knows. I was a 26/24 in clothing. Yesterday I wore a top and skirt that were no longer tight, and high heels that no longer hurt my feet...and I have energy...and that is only 20 lb loss....
I am scared about the surgery tomorrow - scared about the pain, the unknown, and most of all scared I'll fail at this too...I'm not a complete failure in my life...but enough to be afraid...but I still take risks...life is all about risks right...
I'm anxious...about the unknown...pain...LOL...I am after all a control freak...anxious about what, how to eat afterwards...even though I've read and reread...anxious in case I don't have enough and end up back in hospital....
I'm excited...about the energy, being able to wear some of my clothes that I haven't ..buying new clothing...being able to walk without pain, paint my own toenails, ride a bicycle, not having to worry about seats being too small for my big butt...etc etc....
In the meantime, today is a beautiful warm spring day. So I'm going to clean my apartment, do my laundry, make my bed up nicely with fresh sheets, pack up my bag for the hospital and enjoy my last day of my old life.
Later, I'm going to take my dog over to my sister's house, then come home, take a shower, take a sleeping pill and set the alarm for 6 am.
Tomorrow I will be picked up at 7 am by my sister and dropped off at the hospital for 8 am.
At 10 am (approx) I will be operated on....and begin my journey to the lighter side of life...
I wish me all the best...I deserve it!!!
Love to me! Yes...its about time I love myself...
Bernadette Mary Pereira DeFreitas